Archive | December, 2012

Desperate Times Don’t Always Call For Desperate Measures

12 Dec

God keeps bringing me back to Abraham in the Bible. The story of Abraham is all in the Bible; in the old and New Testament. Abraham was a patriarch. He was a man that believed in God. Like all Christians do from time to time, even Abraham lost his way.

God had promised Abraham that his descendants would be like the sands on the seashore. God promised Abraham and Sarah a son; even in their advanced ages. Sarah actually laughed at the idea of being a mother in her advanced age. She probably thought, “Yeah, I’m going to have a child as old as I am.” I think I would have laughed to if I would have been her.

God gave them the promise 15 years before Isaac was born. Instead of waiting on God and His promise, they decided to take matters in their own hands. Sarah was desperate to have a child of her own. She was willing to do whatever possible to have a child. She thought that God wasn’t going to give her the chlld she desperately wanted.

Sarah thought that desperate times called for desperate measures. She let Abraham lay with her maid, Hagar. Hagar did conceive a son, Ishmael. Sarah dispised Hagar for her conceiving a son for Abraham. Sarah knew that Hagar was able to do something she couldn’t do. The situation didn’t help anyone. This was not the son God had promised. After all, consequences follow disobedience.

Well, God, as always, created a miracle 15 years later. Sarah conceived Isaac. Even in her old age, God blessed Sarah with what Sarah thought was impossible.

I can certainly identify with Sarah and her desperation for a child. The older I get; the more I think it’s not going to happen. I think, even for God, it’s impossible. I’m just being honest, here.

I know that God brought this to me for a reason. He wants me to be reminded of His promises. Even my devotional reminded me to tell God about my hopes and dreams.

I dream of having lots of children. I dream of having my own orphanage filled with children of different races and ages. I dream of letting these chldren know about God and how special they are to Him. I just have to remember not to take matters in my own hands, like Sarah. Desperate times don’t always call for desperate measures. Blessings follow obedience. I just have to wait.

“The Thorn in My Flesh”

10 Dec

2 Corinthians 12:10 NASB …there was given me a thorn in the flesh…


     Paul talks about a thorn in his flesh. The scriptures do not go in detail about the thorn in Paul’s flesh.  Some speculate that is was maybe something physical; others speculate it was something mental. I think more the mental than physical. I believe that Satan wanted to remind Paul of his past. Paul wanted to be rid of this. He prayed for God to remove it three times. God told Paul that His grace was sufficient and that His power would be perfected in weakness.

    Like Paul, I have been given a thorn in my flesh. I have God to remove it several times, but for some reason God has not removed it. I know that in the end it will be for His glory. I really believe the thorn in my flesh is my infertility. I deal with it day in and day out.  Every holiday, every mother’s day, every father’s day just seems to be empty. Usually, Christmas isn’t hard for me; this year is different. Of course, my 40th birthday is just around the corner.

    No, I know that it isn’t old by no means. It just seems like the chances of me having or adopting a child or slipping away more every day. I’m not even concerned about having a child. I’ve known since I was about 15 about my infertility. At that time, I thought I had my whole life ahead of me. Every teenage girl dreams of getting married and having lots of children. My dreams were dashed at that moment when the doctor told me that I’d probably never be able to have children.

    Sometimes, I wonder, “Why me?” Then another part says, “Why not me?” Some days are better than others. This time of year is meant really for children. Children going see Santa; getting excited and counting down the days to Christmas. Yes, I know that Christmas isn’t about gifts. Children are making their lists. They get under the tree and shake the gifts trying to figure out what’s in the pretty package. Their eyes shine at night when the Christmas tree is lit. They watch Christmas movies like “Rudolph” and “Frosty the Snowman.”

    Well, not in my house and many other women that struggle with infertility every day. Our house isn’t full of children’s laughter and joy. We don’t have children trying their best to stay up all night Christmas Eve to see Santa drop off the presents. We don’t hear the rattling of Christmas presents on Christmas morning. It hurts to know that another holiday has passed with no child/children.

    All of this comes straight from my heart. If you could please be so kind, lift someone up in prayer that is dealing with infertility this Christmas season. It is a  season of miracles. For we all know, that the birth of Jesus came through a virgin. Pray for miracles for these women. Mothers, just look and remember how blessed you are to have your children around you this Christmas season.



7 Dec

So, you are looking at the title probably thinking I’m going to write something about my momma. Yes, I love my momma dearly. This is the exact opposite. This is about me wanting to hear the word, “Momma.”

It’s such a simple word. One of those that we probably use just about every day. I believe at times we hear it so much that we forget about the meaning of words like momma, mom, etc. For someone like me and many other women struggling with infertility, we long to hear that word “Momma,” one day.

I wonder if I’ll ever get to hear those words come from a child that’s meant for me. It’s such a precious word.

I go to a store and see children in the buggy. I smile, when inside I’m dying. I ask, “Will that ever be me?” Sometimes it just doesn’t seem fair.

I really believe in God that one day I will get to hear that word. I’ll be laughing and playing with my children. Either here on earth on in heaven. I tell people that when I get to heaven God is going to let me play with all the children there. I’ll finally be a mother.

So, when you child says,”Momma” probably for the 50th time in a day. Please don’t take it for granted. Ask God to teach you to love to hear “Momma.” There are many women like myself that long to hear just that one word.