Archive | August, 2015

Leaning on God’s Understanding

3 Aug

Proverbs 3:5 ESV  Trust in the LORD with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
Let me tell you something. There are a whole lot of things that I don’t understand right now. I don’t understand why people want to sell body parts of aborted babies. I don’t understand why certain things turned out like they have in certain areas of my life; that has nothing to do with abuse or dysfunction.

Tracy and I just finished watching a movie called “Unconditional.” This movie stirred up some things in me that I didn’t want to be stirred up. It took me so long to lay it down at God’s feet and leave it there. As always, God had to point it out so I could see it. It took Tracy asking me why he wasn’t enough. Why I couldn’t be happy with just us? 

The next day, I woke up and really thought on those questions. After all; in 1 Samuel, Elkanah asked Hannah the same question. So, I laid my need for a child at God’s feet. I wanted to be content with me and Tracy.

In this movie, this man is a mentor to these children from the projects. He’d give them treats for good grades and good attendance. There was this one little girl in the movie that took my heart. 

I wanted to suppress what I was feeling. I just couldn’t help it. I started crying and told Tracy that I want a little girl. I don’t care about color or race. 

I don’t understand why these feelings have come back.  To tell you the truth, I don’t want these feelings. I know I’m not supposed to suppress my feelings. 

There was another part where this little boy asked that man to be his daddy. That just broke me. I started crying like a big baby. 

I thought of my daddy. He has totally disowned me, but I still love him. I miss the man he used to be. With God’s help, I’ve come to realize my relationship with my daddy isn’t important. My daddy’s relationship with God is important. I’m pretty sure that my daddy doesn’t have a relationship with Jesus. 

Lord knows, I have prayed for him to have a true relationship with Jesus. I want my daddy to know Jesus as his Lord and Savior. I want to know that my daddy will be in heaven. More than likely, I’ll never know that. I know I’ll keep praying for his salvation.

In all of this, I’m glad I can lean on God’s understanding. God has complete and total control over my life. God knows the plans He has for my life. I’m very thankful that He understands me and my feelings. Especially when I have a bad day and I feel like throwing in towel. No one else may understand me, but Jesus sure does.
By: Christina R. Blaney